Yahoo Question asked 10/17/2011
Q: Can you have an only child and avoid making them a spoiled brat?
My wife is 14 weeks pregnant (2nd trimester) and she already is saying she doesn't want to go through it again. Just wondering if anyone knows of evidence that there's a parenting style that can avoid spoiling an only child? I think know the basics, teach them humility, a good work ethic, don't give them everything they want, socialize them with other kids, etc.
A: Best Answer I chose- Mrs. Bliss: You are at no extra risk of spoiling an only child. Simply having more of everything to give to one child does not make a child spoiled. At the root of spoiling a child is a parent that does everything for the child. This begins with a child that has no responsibilities - tidying up toys, helping to tidy his/her bedroom, helping with small tasks, basic cleaning up after oneself - and a parent that does everything for the child. From the time my children were old enough to pull out their toys (about 9-10 months) I would involved them in tidying up the mess. They just sat there and watched but I was specific with them, "let's tidy the toys before lunch!" and then thank them for helping. As they got older they started helping more and more. Ensure the child helps with reasonable things and does things for him/herself. Parents with multiple children can still fall into this trap of spoiling.
Also think if ways you can use yourself and you wife as a substitute for a sibling. Let's say every Friday night is movie night. Have the child pick the movie one week and then the parents the next week. Obviously you will pick a movie appropriate for the child but the point is to teach the child that he/she must accept the choice of someone else. Do the same thing with restaurants, days out (you picked the zoo last month so this month we are going to a museum that mom likes), and even dinner options. Think about ways that you can teach an only child about getting to make choices sometimes but allowing other to choose at times.
Other Answers:
Superguy: Of course. With an only child you as a parent can spend more time with them.
Bubs: I'm an only child and I don't consider myself a spoiled brat, just go with good principles and don't actually spoil them, make sure they know they need to earn things. that said, don't trust your wife's word now, she may change her mind after the baby is born, when I was pregnant with my second child I told my hubby never again, an hour after she was born I had decided we would have another.
Ozboz48: There is no evidence that only children are spoiled. You raise them the same way you raise a larger family. Boundaries, responsibility, and lots of love.
Doom: As long as they learn things like sharing and good manners, then everyone should be fine.
Mrs. Bliss: You are at no extra risk of spoiling an only child. Simply having more of everything to give to one child does not make a child spoiled. At the root of spoiling a child is a parent that does everything for the child. This begins with a child that has no responsibilities - tidying up toys, helping to tidy his/her bedroom, helping with small tasks, basic cleaning up after oneself - and a parent that does everything for the child. From the time my children were old enough to pull out their toys (about 9-10 months) I would involved them in tidying up the mess. They just sat there and watched but I was specific with them, "let's tidy the toys before lunch!" and then thank them for helping. As they got older they started helping more and more. Ensure the child helps with reasonable things and does things for him/herself. Parents with multiple children can still fall into this trap of spoiling.
Also think if ways you can use yourself and you wife as a substitute for a sibling. Let's say every Friday night is movie night. Have the child pick the movie one week and then the parents the next week. Obviously you will pick a movie appropriate for the child but the point is to teach the child that he/she must accept the choice of someone else. Do the same thing with restaurants, days out (you picked the zoo last month so this month we are going to a museum that mom likes), and even dinner options. Think about ways that you can teach an only child about getting to make choices sometimes but allowing other to choose at times.
peanut 2: Yes, every mother says during her pregnancy and labour she will never go through that again. After the birth, many change their minds so she may too.
But of course, she may not.
But being an only child doesnt make a child spolied.
Not having boundarys and getting everything they want without earning it etc does.
You can give them the things they want, as long as they appreciate it and dont take it for granted. Its only when they start expecting things and getting in a strop if they dont get what they want they become spoilt
Susan: As your child gets older, you will face peer pressure from both other parents and their children. The best tool for NOT spoiling is the word NO. We live in a culture of yes-parenting (not wanting to say no to our children or see them unhappy for a single second). Saying NO is one of the many ways to avoid raising a spoiled child. More in my book, The Case for the Only Child. Susan Newman, Ph.D.
Source(s):
The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It--and Mean It; see at www.susannewmanphd.com or at Psychology Today Singletons Blog, www.psychologytoday.com/blog/singletons
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